Gratitude

Cancer is tough.  Actually, it's brutal.  We go through a full gamut of emotions that can shift and change at a moment’s notice.  At times we feel numb, even denial, sometimes its sadness and fear, and sometimes just plain emotional. It never leaves, it is constantly on our mind, and can completely consume our day to day activities.  It affects us physically, emotionally, financially, mentally and even spiritually.   Despite its nature, I can honestly say, most of the time we are filled with hope, faith, and optimism. We will beat this.  Interestingly enough, throughout this experience thus far, the thing Jamie and I have felt the most . . . by far . . .  is gratitude.

I think after learning I had cancer, Jamie and I immediately found a much clearer perspective of life. As temporary as it may be, looking at life through the lens of cancer makes it innately easier to prioritize everything around us.  I was, in all honesty, surprised at the overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the blessings I have in my life.  I didn't expect these feelings to be so dominate and at the forefront of my thoughts and reflections.  I feel that The Lord has blessed our family beyond merit.  We have a wonderful life, even with cancer.  I have the most beautiful loving wife, and I have 3 healthy, vibrant little boys.  I have wonderful parents who love me and support me and would do anything in their power for me.  Jamie's parents have been a constant source of love, compassion and endless service since we started this journey.  My sister and Jamie's two sisters along with her brother, together with their spouses have shown an immense amount of love and support for us.  We have friends and neighbors who have come in groves to offer help and support. They have visited us at our house, often with tears in their eyes offering endless service and charity.  We are so fortunate to have so many caring and loving individuals around us.  I think that even the smallest amount of faith enables us to find gratitude in both the good and bad times.

There have been numerous instances when I have been rendered speechless at people’s generosity and love. There is a part of me that is truly embarrassed at my lack of ability to express how thankful I was.  In the moment, I just couldn't find the words to articulate how I felt, which always resulted in a response not worthy of the gesture.  I feel a need to apologize for this, as I am beyond grateful for all of it.  My hope, is that relatively soon I will have the opportunity, courage, and words to express how much these things mean to me.

This world is full of good people.  We have received these acts of kindness and love in countless ways, from countless people.  They present themselves in the form of prayers, fasting and spiritual blessings.  We have had flowers and plants delivered to our house. We have had chocolate covered strawberries, books, movies, fruit baskets, and balloons delivered.  We have had dinners brought over for days on end.  We have had people drop off pre made frozen dinners for the tough days ahead.  Our lawn has been mowed by several people without any hesitation or asking.  I'm fairly certain somebody even sprayed the crop of weeds we are growing in our backyard.   My work has been above and beyond accommodating.  "Whatever you need," is the response I get when discussing this with my boss.  In addition to the gifts to keep me comfortable during chemo, my friends from my department donated their own person time off to my account.  I no longer have to worry about paid time off accruals for the weeks of treatment we face, there is more than enough.  Friends and family chipped in and sent us to a Park City resort  for a night before chemo started.   While we were enjoying the weekend with the boys, they deep cleaned our entire house, including a carpet cleaning company donating their services.  We have endless offers for babysitters.  Neighbors have set up play groups to take the boys to, one friend even offered to take them on vacation if we wanted.  We have offers for rides to chemo and doctors appointments.  Friends shaving their heads to offer support, cookies, brownies, homemade bread, cards, notes, texts, phone calls, stop by visits, colleagues visiting me at chemo, care packages full of hoodies, house shoes, shirts, shorts, sweats, blankets, headphones, movies, a backpack, lotions and chap stick.  My mom and sister are flying out to help out, Jamie's parents have been their daily helping with the dinners, the boys and rides.  It goes on, and on, and on. I can't possibly list it all.  It is more than I could have ever imagined.  People are so kind, and so loving, and so giving.  We have much to be thankful for.  Cancer is not something you face alone, this is evident in the conversations, tears, hugs, prayers, service, and tender mercies that have been poured out upon my family.  We are, and always will be forever grateful for these things.                

Heavenly Father has always blessed our family in so many wonderful ways.  He continues to do so with the helping hands of so many thoughtful people.  We are not alone in this.  We have the support of a loving Heavenly Father and so many others to help lift us along the way.